ALONE...

"I'm not sure if I'm depressed. 

I mean I am not Sad. 

But I'm not exactly Happy either.

I can laugh and Joke and Smile during the day, 

but sometimes when I'm ALONE at Night I forget how to feel". 

It's been a long time that I have been single. I can say that I have totally move on from the hurt because I have been living a happy and I can also say that I am contented with my life now. With help of the people around me like my family, especially my niece and my nephew they are the ones who brings joy to my being, my circle of friends, social-media friends and most especially my best friends. But in reality I can't really rely on to my friends always because they also have their own lives, own responsibilities, family, work etc. I only get along with them once in a blue moon or if there are some special occasions, when that times comes I really grab that opportunity to be able to bond with them and to uplift my aura. 

As I was at the mall earlier I saw lots of people most of them are together with their groups of friends and barkadas, groups of co-workers, group of family together with their children and most of all are couples, married couples and a dating couples as I was just observing the people that I saw in the mall I began to ask myself... Why am I ALONE? 

And I have discern something...  That it was is not just the first time that I've been to a mall ALONE I just realized that I go to malls, not only to malls but I used to go out most of the time ALONE. 

I usually :

- go to malls ALONE

- sometimes to the grocery ALONE

- eat out ALONE

- watch a movie ALONE

- go to my check-ups ALONE

- sleep ALONE

I come to think of it that am I going to live ALONE? Will I ever found someone who would really spend the rest of his life with me inspite of my health condition? I wanted to be hopeful but I don't want to have a wishful thinking because I will be the one who will get hurt in the end if I continue to desire of that to happen. I already brace myself that it is not going to happen anyway. I guess I have to live with it to be ALONE for  the rest of my life.